Grow, Bitch and Sew

Off and Running

2009-09-02T18:15:00.001-07:00

It's been a long couple of weeks. I'm eight months pregnant. Wow, how the hell did that happen? When two people love each other very much, or are sorta tanked, or when a mommy and turkey baster, or choose your own scenario... and 40 weeks later a baby comes out! I am officially through 32 of those 40 weeks. Woah Momma.

Out in the world people are gearing up for Halloween, the costumes and the candy and the decorations are all starting to show up in stores. And that really scares me because hello! Mr. Penelope Anne-Danzig Fujikawa is due on Halloween. Also, the floors aren't done (haven't even picked them out yet) I haven't painted, we have zero baby furniture and um, catastrophe, catastrophe, catastrophe!

What can I tell you about being eight months pregnant? Um, it sucks. I can tell you that. I will not go so far as to claim I've had thee suckiest pregnancy ever, because compared to just about everyone else I know who has had a baby already my pregnancy has been a cake walk. Still though, there's no getting around the third trimester. Believe me, I have tried. In fact, I tried so hard that it was nearly to the detriment of my person. Don't worry though, I am being realistic now, I learned my lesson. Just because I am physically capable of all sorts of fantastical feats it doesn't mean I should run off and join the circus.

It's hard though, you know? A bit of a blow the the old ego. Which is weird for me. I'm not especially familiar (at this stage in my life, don't even ask the me of 10 years ago) with knowing I can do something and then not doing it. It feels like cheating a little bit. I read about the things my friends are doing and I get really excited, I want to do those things too! But I'm not supposed to start anything new right now! And I've already found out that I cannot really operate at full speed anymore. Even if I think I can, the end result is not bueno.

So I'm in this weird space, where I really want to do all kinds of things, but I really need to put off doing those things for a few more months. And you know what? I kind of resent it and that makes me feel really guilty. Like, I should be basking in the glow of my third trimester and getting all into motherhood, but instead I just want to start running again and lose the baby weight (and the weight that I was gearing up to loose before Mr. Penelope was invented).

It's not just a fitness thing either, I'm ready to go back to school. I know, I've only been out of school for six months or something, but I totally am ready to get my learn on again. It gives me BIG FAT UGLY HEAD REARING UNDER THE TABLE HIDING anxiety to think about how long it's going to take me to finish my second degree, whatever it ends up being in (hopeless, I know) , but still. I'm ready to start knocking down prerequisites and filling my brain up with shit that my brain isn't used to being filled up with.

It's a work in progress. I've been as honest as I can about this with my DH ("as I can" because it's hard to explain the crazy sometimes) and he is way supportive. In fact, he's so supportive he comes up with ways I can satisfy my desire to do new things without hurting myself or the babes. Planning on taking hard science classes? Why don't you check out some hard science books from the library? Know you're going to have to make peace with mathematics? Pull out your old algebra books from community college! Want to start running/working on pushups/doing a hundred situps/whatever? Go on a walk every day!

Really, none of that had occurred to me. In my head it was all sink or swim. Preparing myself for the time when I could dedicate myself to the pursuits I am most attached to wasn't even a blip on my radar. That I couldn't do those things was setting off alarms all over the place though and making for one very dissatisfied Momma.

So I'm working on it, trying not to panic about all the things I could be doing; trying not to self flagellate for not doing things that I am technically capable of doing, but that are stressful to my person; trying to focus on what I can do, on what I am doing and how in a couple months I'm going to give birth to a baby human. Talk about fantastical feats!

I'm having a baby, woah. Still cannot wrap my head around that one. In fact, I'm pretty sure she's an octopus.

Runners on Your Mark

2009-08-16T11:54:00.000-07:00

My most painful joints:

s-i
right wrist
right ankle
hips
right shoulder
right knee
(I am so right bodied)

I went to the movies yesterday (District 9, I really liked it incidentally) and it was agony. AGONY! I think it ruined me for the rest of the day. Standing up wasn't any better, we hung around the AT&T store for around 45 minutes waiting to get helped and I thought I might start screaming. Lying down is pretty okay, but I feel like Jabba the Hut.

Rex says to go get a massage. So I'm going to go ahead and do that.

Here's the thing that really sucks. Two weeks ago, maybe, it wasn't that bad, there were little twinges. Then blamo! I went to bed Tuesday night and all my parts stopped working. Thursday was the hardest pregnancy work out I have ever done. You know what it was? Body rows, one legged squats, Jane Fonda's, and deadlifts. I did not think I was going to be able to finish. I thought that maybe I should just lay down and die.

Then my trainer said, "I had a feeling it might happen like this," and I was all like, "waaaah?". Because I didn't have that feeling at all! I thought I was freaking invincible! I thought that I was so totally and completely bad-ass that not even the Melon inside me could slow me down.

I was very very wrong. I am slowing down. Like a turtle. Or maybe more accurately the dumb-ass hare that thought she could beat the turtle with her speedy quickness.

I wish that I had a hot sheet to wrap myself in very tightly. To make everything warm and cozy also to push it back together. Go back together joints! Please, I liked you better that way, you were not so angry and mean.

My advice? Find a way to skip this stage of pregnancy, because honestly it's been a cake walk for me until now. I barely remember how miserable I was the first trimester, and the second one was freaking golden. This however is hell. Absolute hell. The Hellish Hell of Hades.

With fire.

Buns of Steel

2009-08-12T18:23:00.000-07:00

Will post something real (by real, I mean written by me) this week, just wanted to pass along this article on weight training during pregnancy that I found while bumming around on stumptuous earlier today (a really wonderful site on training that I love, not in the least because it is incredibly well written and sourced) .

Welcome to Week Twenty Eight

2009-08-05T09:25:00.000-07:00

Paperwork. That's what the first week of the third trimester means. Birth plans, pre-admission work sheets, kick cards. Also, pain. Charlie horses and round ligament stretching. Not great. Waking up in the middle of the night wincing and moaning.

And is it just me, or am I getting klutzier? I rolled my ankle walking to my car yesterday. Best part was that it was after an extremely excruciating workout of deliciousness. Yes, I am fine while I'm working out, but afterward I am liable to end up face down in your driveway (don't worry, I didn't end up face down, I actually managed to hold myself upright, but it was close for a second there).

Otherwise, physically, things are going really well. The baby is kicking and punching a lot. Especially in the ribs! A somewhat annoying and totally awesome sensation. There is a baby human inside of me and she is kicking me in the ribs. From the inside, did I mention that? I do not think that there is much in the world that is cooler.

I had my monthly doctors appointment today and I know you're dying to know all about it. She confirmed that super long glucose exam showed that everything was okay, but my hemoglobin levels are a little low so she wants me to start taking an iron supplement. Also I've finally started gaining weight which I am trying very hard to be reasonable about, but honestly am a little freaked out by. The baby is great though, we got to listen to her heart beat and she sounds good. Like a million elephants.

I am beginning to get really anxious to meet Penelope Melon. I mean, there are only so many parenting blogs in the universe, only so many parents I can live vicariously through before it just isn't good enough anymore. I want my baby. I mean, it'd be really unfortunate if she came out now because her room isn't ready and we haven't got anything to put her in. Also, I'm told it's kind of early for all that. But I want to meet her! And to fill her full of snuggles!

Here's something though, Dooce Dot Com posted the third part of her labor story and I cried like a beagle when I read it. If you didn't know, and you probably don't, it was a combination of the first part of Dooce's labor story and several conversations with respected mothers that I know that really got me moving on birth research. I especially like Dooce because she's funny and sarcastic. In case you didn't notice I too am funny and sarcastic. Anyway, Dooce and my trainer (also funny and sarcastic), really got me to thinking about the process of having a baby and I figured if these funny and sarcastic women could even just think about having a baby naturally I could at least do the damn research and do some thinking myself. So I started doing the research. And I learned a lot of really cool stuff. And I think that maybe being pregnant and this whole big shaboggle have changed the entire course of my life.

Yes. The entire course of my life. And I haven't even had the fucking baby yet. Obviously the hormones have brainwashed me and I am totally insane, but hell. I'm rolling with it.

One thing I am really excited about right now is the encouragement I'm getting from my OB to meet with a Kaiser midwife. She said that my pregnancy has been totally chill and that there's no reason I shouldn't plan to deliver with a midwife, if that's what I want. While I absolutely love that she brought up seeing the midwife, I love even more that she said, "if that's what you want". How funny that those few words are so relieving.

And this is the part where I end the post with something funny and/or brilliant. Choose your own adventure!

Baby baby baby, I made you out of clay!

2009-07-29T10:50:00.000-07:00

Or something. That, up there is what the baby looks like supposedly. Although we're hoping ours has horns and a tail, breathes fire, you know, normal stuff for the Princess of Darkness.

Any-who, today marks twenty seven weeks, which I am told is the start of the third trimester. Or not. There seems to be some debate about that. Anyway, what that means is that there are thirteen weeks-ish left in this grand adventure. And then! The next adventure!

I think I'm getting more pregnant. Haha. I know, but really. On Saturday I suddenly began to feel very puffy. And um, full. It was really odd. I think since then that my belly has grown considerably. Baby had a twelve hour growth spurt!

Not too much swelling yet, beside what I felt Saturday (bracelets no longer fitting properly, etc... although that could just be my bulging forearms). Lots of back aches and pains. I don't know that you've got the memo, but um. My boobs grew a lot and so I have had the joy of a lot of upper back pain. It is exceedingly unpleasant.

My lower back also bugs, but we've been learning these techniques to help deal with back labor, an extremely painful condition that puts an awful amount of pressure on your SI joint. Well, bully for me, it so happens that it's my SI joint that aches. It is nice though that Rex has been practicing pushing on it every night in order to perfect the technique. What a champ!

Otherwise, physically things are going really well. Let me take this opportunity to brag some more about the heavy weights I've been lifting at the gym this week. Yesterday I deadlifted 90 some odd pounds 40 times. And then I got a cookie! Afterward I did some one armed rowing (I'm sorry that's the only appropriate video I could find with the 5 minutes of effort I put into looking. You should have seen the other one!), with the lovely 16kg. kettlebell. And then I got a snuggle and a nap. My trainers are really nice, you see.

Actually, after that I had to do some other terrible things that left me sputtering like Donald Duck. But I love it! I love it!

And then! Then I went out back and rescued a small child from underneath a horse drawn carriage and there was a parade and flowers and a holiday in my honor! I mean, uh, I went to acupuncture and fell asleep for a little while.

Up in my head things have been okay. I've been trying to confront my fears and worries, per the advice of my crunchy birth book. So yesterday I read the section on birth art and I tried really hard not to be all scoffy and sarcastic about it. Instead I started thinking about how maybe the birth art could really help me deal with things that I'm afraid of with this whole parenting bit. So I pulled out the pastels and the charcoals and um, like drew, my uh, fear. It was really kind of liberating. And I showed it to Rex when he got home and he didn't laugh at me or anything. We talked about it and it was overall a really good experience! I know, I was shocked too.

Lesson learned: don't be too afraid of your inner hippy, she'll help you get the baby out.

And now, time for that cookie.

Tick tock, tick tock

2009-07-23T15:45:00.001-07:00

Well, Internet. I've failed.

Honestly, it's not my fault. I composed a really genius post about the transformation I've gone through these past six months and then, somehow magically, it was deleted.

So I wrote it again and it was almost as good as the first one too.

And then half of it was deleted.

I know, right? It was a really sad day. And so I threw the cat through the window and blew raspberries on my arm. I thought about spending some time under the dining room table, but that is what someone suffering from rapid cycling bi-polar disorder might do, and I didn't want to make my husband nervous so instead I just slammed my computer shut and stomped to my bedroom. That showed 'em!

So instead I'm going to talk about something else.

For instance, I recently have started push pressing a really kind of heavy weight. A weight that I could not push above my head several months ago, a weight that I kind of wanted to punch in the face. It's the Cherry Bell, the 16kg (35lb) kettlebell at my gym. And it's red, which kind of makes it cooler.

So I'm doing a kind of neat thing, which is getting stronger, or at least using my body more efficiently, during a time when I ought to be getting all floppy from relaxin. It's cool! I wont fool myself into thinking that this trend will continue for the duration of my pregnancy, but dizaaaamn. It's awesome that not all of my personal triumphs have to be set aside until after Penny Melon comes out to great the world. I probably wont be winning a plank competition any time soon though.

I'm twenty six weeks along now, which is almost the end of the second trimester. Although I didn't know it, there is some disagreement about when the third trimester starts, some say 27 weeks and others say 28. I personally would feel like I'm cheating if I called next week the third trimester, but whatevs! I am hoping that it will bring me a belly that looks less like a pot and more like... well, like I'm growing a baby. Rex assures me that I have an adorable baby belly, but I still feel kindof meh about it.

Anyhow, apparently this is the honeymoon period. Soon I'll be all swollen and wont want to get off the couch, or at least that's what I'm told. So far the side effects haven't been too terrible, although what is new and interesting are the cramps I've been getting in my thumb pads and balls of my feet. Ouch! This weekend I've got a happy feet massage scheduled so I'm hoping that will help some. And if not, well. I'll being seeing the woman with the needles next week and mayhaps we'll be able to figure out what the heck is up with my toots.

What were/are your most bizarre pregnancy side effects?

Hi Internets,

2009-07-13T23:00:00.000-07:00

It's been a little while!

There were some things that happened that I didn't really want to talk about, but at the same time I couldn't think about talking about anything else. No big really, had a bit of a scare with an ultrasound; the docs thought maybe that Penny had a chromosomal disorder, but couldn't do the follow up exam for ten whole days. Ten days I spent pointedly not thinking about chromosomes or anything related to them. Additionally we were out of town for a while on a trip that I would have to start another blog to properly develop the intricacies of the years of drama that came to a head while we were visiting. Couldn't really think too hard about those behavior patterns either, too closely related to chromosomes.

Anyway, the baby is too cool for school. All her chromosomes are ordered in the order that the doctors say is proper and she gave us some nice jazz hands at the last ultrasound. The radiologist was my kind of lady too, walked into the room and told us it was stupid that we were even called back for a second exam. I love it when snarky doctors are snarky toward other doctors.

So the short story is that I'm back. I've been thinking about GBS a lot for the past month, composing lots of genius entries. You must not have been reading very close to have missed them all.

For your patience I leave you with what only could have been a tribute to my husband:

In the week to come I'll be taking the bull by the horns and talking not only about the resurgence of vomit in the sixth month of my pregnancy, but also the extremely controversial topic of sober birthing.

See you soon lovers.

Spoiler Alert!

2009-05-29T14:54:00.001-07:00

If you don't want to know the sex of our baby, you probably should not read any further.

I am too twitter-pated to scan ultrasounds now, but we got to look at our girl for nearly an hour today and she is already a mover and a shaker. Damn Ms. Penelope Anne, that tootsie sure can roll.

That's right, wipe the sleep out of your eyes and reread that sentence. We are almost certainly having a girl type baby! w00t w00t!

What's Cooking?

2009-05-13T15:04:00.000-07:00

the Internet calls these emergency nachos. i call them heavenly.

It's Wednesday night and I do not feel like cooking. AGAIN.

Before I was pregnant I cooked all the time. I loved cooking. There was a certain kind of peace attained in the kitchen and I took pride in the fact that nearly nothing Rex or I ate came out of a box. We were healthy dammit. We bought local and ate fresh and seasonal and I somehow had enough time on my hands to spend half a day thinking about what kind of awesomeness we'd cook together at night. I may have been cooking for most of my life, but my DH is relatively new to the game. I have taken great pleasure in showing him the ropes, watching his confidence blossom and encouraging him to trust his instincts.

During the first trimester things started to go down hill. I was tired all the time and the mere thought of touching uncooked meats or even water soaked tofu made me gag. I couldn't stand the smell of anything and I hated being in the kitchen. Rex, champion that he is, stepped up to the plate and did most of the cooking while I moaned on the couch and focused my energy on consuming strawberry fruit floes from TJs. He did a great job too, let me tell you. I don't remember what we were eating, but it was good, with lots of vegetables and deliciousness.

As my nausea subsided I took things over in the kitchen. The husband works hard see. Ten hours at the office and often several more at home in the evening. I don't mind cooking by myself to give him a break. And I've always been adamant that he shouldn't help if he's too tired or doesn't feel like it, because the food will know his heart isn't in it (don't ask me how the food knows, it just does, okay?!). We ate a lot of salads for dinner, eggs, and easy things. And I supplemented. With take out! Take out is easy! How I wish that I had the constitution (and bank account) to survive on take out without putting on weight. I might never cook again. I love it, I cannot deny.

Lately I've been feeling really tired and lazy. I have to soak the chicken in vinegar for two hours before I bbq it? Are you shitting me? And then I have to turn on the bbq? And then I have to cook it? Complete with the turning over and the spreading of the tasty delciousness?* I am too exhausted to bbq, let's have nachos! Somehow I've managed to get out of bbqing that chicken all week. It's been waiting for me and I know I really want it, that it will be delicious, but I also know that it takes effort to make it and I am all out of effort. The effort well is dry. We must dig another hole and to do that we need permits and a drill and all sorts of unpleasantness.

What do I do Internet? Sometimes it is too much to cut a cucumber. HALP! Send me a cut cucumber stat! (I hope right now you're imagining me eating a cucumber whole.)

* this is my favorite bbq chicken. Cornell BBQ Chicken from an issue of Cooks Country released sometime last year**

** that was an excellent example of what years of studying political science taught me about citations. Hahahaha. Joke's on you UC Davis!

Pain in the ass

2009-05-05T09:41:00.000-07:00

I am blaming my ass pain being pregnant. I do not know what else to do.
I've got this muscle, or something, on my right cheek that is just like, howling in pain. It has been bothering me for weeks.
"You need to have it looked at", Rex says. "Ha!" says I, " I am indestructible, invincible, unconquerable, unquenchable!" He looks at me and sighs, but I am also stubborn and pig headed.
The running theory was that it was somehow related to my s-i joint, which has been wacky for a while now, and since the muscle in question is in close proximity to said joint we (my trainer and I) figured that it was related. And honestly (thinks me), a sore ass cheek, so what. It only hurt (past-tense) when I was in-between sitting and laying, or when I was rolling over so basically only at bed time.
Last week maybe it started hurting when I was doing lunges. My body is started to appear more pregnant (my belly is starting to pop!) and as such my center of balance is all wack-a-doodle and I have to work on keeping all my damn muscles engaged when I'm lunging.
Well apparently I have to keep my muscles engaged while I'm walking through a parking lot too because this morning I woke up with a sore ass cheek and the situation has not altered in the slightest.
"It's right here" I say to Rex, pushing on the offensive spot in line at our local chain coffee shop. He looks at the ceiling, out the door, away from me and nods. I guess that pushing your ass around in public is embarrassing or something.
Can I just say I am totally okay with embarrassing my husband wherever we go, but the idea of writing to my doctor and telling her that my ass is killing me is nearly completely out of the question. And I mean, really, what is she going to do? Nod and tell me that my body is undergoing a lot of changes right now and blah blah de blah. Put some ice on it.
So no, I am not going to write to my doctor, because complaining about a sore ass cheek that might possibly be related to a wonky s-i joint seems altogether too vague for corporate medicine.
I am going to suffer stoically. Except for when I'm in public with Rex, then I'll have to remember to complain loudly, with full visuals, and often.

Dear Baby Human,

2009-04-26T16:50:00.000-07:00

On Friday your dad and I spent a great deal of time listening to your heart beat (161 bpm) and watching you wiggle around in your swimming pool while a nice lady took a lot measurements from you. I know. It has got to suck, being in the womb and already having society try to tell you how you should be measuring up. I would tell you to get used to it, but idealist that I am I want desperately for you to give them all the finger and always, always march to the beat of your own drum (good job on the not moving much for the ultrasound tech btw, great start).

You are growing much faster than I am prepared for. Last time we looked at you, you measured in at exactly one inch. Your Auntie K predicts that you will grow up to be an engineer like her. Sounds good to me, Aunt K is someone we could all stand to be a little more like. You have grown quite a bit since last time, measuring in at 7.67 cm (a little over 3 inches). The size of a peach, one baby book says. I do not know why they keep comparing you to food, probably because you are so cute.

I can feel you floating around in there now, pinching and pushing around at things. It is an odd sort of pressure from the inside, not comfortable in the least. It is not that it hurts, but that it almost does. I am not sure how to explain it beyond that. I am okay with it though, I like to know you are really there.

We still do not know what your sex is and people are beginning to get impatient. Your great-granmama called me today asking about it, even though I already told her that it was going to be another month. Before I was pregnant with you I really wanted the boy kind of baby because I thought it would be easier to deal with boy teenagers than girl teenagers. Nocturnal emissions seem like much less of a challenge than menstrual cycles, ya know? Plus, if I was any indication girl teenagers are holy terrors from hell and I am terrified of facing down myself in a dozen years or more. After we found out we were having you I thought having a girl type baby would probably help even out the Fujikawa clan, because I can count the girl Fujikawa's in your dad's generation on one hand. We're extremely out numbered.

Just for the record I do not really care either way anymore. I know that you will probably wear green sparkle nail polish like your dad (11th paragraph from the bottom) and that I will find myself looking in the mirror regardless of your sex. Just remember that we did not name you Fox Mulder okay? You will have to love us for that.

Now that I have managed to embarrass you and your father I had better sign off lest the internet finds out how truly nerdy I am.

All my love,

Your Mom (ha!)

Testing, testing. Is this thing on?

2009-04-21T09:32:00.000-07:00

I have probably made my nurse practitioner really mad at me. She told me a fib though, and I had to call her on it because I really didn't want to have an amnio. I had thought about having an amnio and even agreed to it, but when it came down to doing it, it just seemed a little excessive. I am, as you know, young and healthy, R and I are not related and none of my blood tests have put in me in a high risk group for anything. So this weekend we decided that the blood tests were enough. My NP just got back to me this morning and said it was too late, amnio or nothing (basically). How can that be? I asked, when I've got this (kaiser distributed) book right here that says I can have the first two parts of the screening done by 14 weeks and 2 days and we're 9 days away from that? Oh, she says, in that case, she'll get me the blood test and try to find a space for me in imaging.

R said that I shouldn't be too ticked because we waited until the last minute, but I'm like, this lady totally just lied to me! She did not think I had looked at the Kaiser material before I asked her to help me with my other options! And we both (the NP and I) know that she lied to me! What kind of relationship can we have? I think I need to ask for a new nurse.

I am serious. Maybe it seems like I am overreacting, but I am not sure that I want someone on my team who can just tell me a bold faced lie to discourage me from inconveniencing them. I thanked her profusely for her time in looking into the matter for me and I was very polite. In short, I do not feel like I have behaved like a spoiled brat who has the Kaiser nurses at their beck and call. However, I do feel like she did not want to take the trouble to make things work for me, and I really do not feel like that is the kind of person I want at my side while I am delivering my baby.

Selfish? Perhaps, but we are not talking about the color of faaking centerpieces here. I'm growing a goddamned human! I want Tim Gunn! Make it work!

Probably Busy On a Project... or not.

2009-04-17T19:33:00.000-07:00

I haven't posted ever about projects, related to sewing or otherwise. To be honest, I have not really been working on anything crafty lately. Before I graduated I had hoped to finish my gorgeous, brilliant, 16.5 pound niece's blanket before we visited Portland at the end on March. It is now the middle of April and I am still 3 inches from the finish line, which is exactly where I was 2 months ago. And honestly, I would feel like a big cheater if I started working on anything for our baby with my niece's blanket unfinished.

So, in short, I have been avoiding the needles. Now that I am no longer knitting instead of not doing my homework, now that I've nearly watched all the X-Files through for the second or third time, now that I am officially without job or school and really have absolutely nothing better to do, I have very little desire to work on crafts. Totally lame, I know.

What I did do was spend two weeks cleaning my house and getting it ready for an unexpected visitor (not the baby). I cleaned a lot of crap out of the garage so that there is now space actually to stand while doing the laundry, I moved the office from the master bedroom into the former library, relocated two of the bookcases from the library to new homes, cleaned and painted the master bedroom, moved all our crap into it and cleaned the now guest room for the visitor. It was a crap-ton of very unpleasant and tedious business.

I don't have any before pictures, but the master bedroom looks 500 million times better now than it did while it was an office. Which loosely translates into a room of smelly, dirty boys. Although I kept my sewing machine and yarn stash in there, working in the office was usually to be done over the din of video games and under a pile of candy wrappers.

Now it's blue and we live in it and I never want to be in any other room of the house.
In fact, I like it so much I am having an incredibly difficult time gathering the wherewithal to hang our pictures, which are still propped up against the wall a week after moving in. I just can't bear to have any interruptions in the pure bliss of blue. It's ridiculous, I know, but there you have it.

Now I'm out of projects for a while. I wont be working on the baby's room until our house guest vacates the premises, and Rex does not think it is safe for me to work on the sanding project that I got pregnant in the middle of (which is just fine with me really).

I guess it is time to get back to stitching! What do you folks do when you become uninspired by your favorite pass time? Starting a new project is so not an option, I've got about five unfinished ones in my stash bag(s).

10% more pictures with this post

2009-04-05T17:26:00.000-07:00

Say hello to our baby hoomin. As you can see she is already working on her Buddha belly, which is excellent news (we don't actually know the baby's gender yet, I'm just giving her something to strive for), now we just need to work on thigh cleavage. When they took this picture last week Baby Fujikawa was an inch long and she gave her parents a great big wave, with both arms. It was possibly the most awesome thing I have ever seen in my entire life.

Right now she's just floating around, kicking back, working on growing fingernails and shit. What a life. Look at all that space she has! It is so hard to believe that in a few months she'll have filled up all that space and my belly will be fighting with my boobs for the award of most prolific adulthood growth spurt. Word. I wont bore you with my boobs too much, but they're bigger than they've ever been in my entire life. As my trainer pointed out a couple weeks ago, the benefit of that is that I don't have to dip as deep for push ups as the rest of the properly sized boobie world. Woohoo! Less work = more happy. Thanks baby.

As I head into the last couple weeks of my first trimester I am happy to report that most all of the yucky symptoms have abated. The best part of that is the loss of my super smell. I can still smell a lot, but it is not nearly as nauseating as it was two or three weeks ago. By and large the nausea is gone too, sure I'll still feel sick if I go too long without eating, but I actually have been able to participate in household activities lately. Like working on cleaning out the garage and cooking dinner.

Lastly, so sorry I've been distant lately. These past few weeks have been busy and exhausting. Now that I'm feeling better I will try to post more often and be even more witty and charming. I know, I'll try not to strain myself.

the end of the world as i know it

2009-03-19T07:05:00.000-07:00

As of this morning I stopped drinking coffee. The smell of grinds has been making me gag for a few weeks now, but I have persevered. After all, I only get two cups a day and I am going to enjoy them dammit.

But this morning! I walked out into the hall way and the smell of coffee brewing sent me to the bathroom. It is so over. How am I going to make it?

Because right now I should be writing my second to last paper

2009-03-12T14:56:00.000-07:00

Earlier this week I wrote a post about my husband and my mom. Then I thought maybe I was bitching too much and I had better tone.it.down. I'll save the big bitching for when I am little more well established. I would not want to shock you with my amazing bitchability. Although, I have to imagine given the title of my blog you are coming in prepared. If there is anything I am good at in this world it is all bitch related things. Flipping the bitch switch, acting a bitch, walking a bitch (like, you know, a dog), and whatever else you can stick bitch in front of. I used to worry about this, am I too mean? I'd ask myself, but lo! You know what? I have pulled it off, people do not really think I'm a bitch (beside maybe my mother, but that friends is a story for another time). It is all in my head! People like me, they even think I'm nice. I know. It freaks me out sometimes too.

Anyway, about my mom. She is approaching my pregnancy very organically. She is really into me being pregnant. Me, eh, not so much. So we've been locking horns a little bit, as you might imagine. My mom wants to sing the Jelly Bean kumbaya and burn sage in all the rooms (interesting considering that she lives 400+ miles away) and I am just trying to make it through whatever new and exciting symptoms have popped up.

Today for example, my left nipple is fucking killing me. I don't know what the hell is going on, but as I was busy beating my 300 meter time (3 times over, just saying) on the rower this morning my left nipple was like, "hey Sally! how 'bout you pay some attention over this way?" Since approximately 9:15 this morning I've been considering removing the offender. Or bandaids. How do you deal with perpetually erect nipples? I don't freaking know, but I will tell you that it is damn uncomfortable. So pervy-mcperversen don't get any ideas. I am totally not aroused. In fact I am whatever the opposite of aroused is. I think it is called the first trimester.

Here are some non-complaining bits of interest:

My besties mom (is besty totally annoying or totally awesome? I cannot descide), calculated my due date because my lame ass doctors didn't bother to tell me when I was there last week. 31 October! Yay! I am so excited. I have never wanted a baby to come more on its due date than I do now (hint: I have never had a baby before). I will name our kid Danzig if it does (hi husband!).

Last week at a very bizarre doctors appointment we saw pictures of our baby for the first time. You'd be seeing them too, but I have been too BUSY (read: lazy) to upload them to the magic machine of computer. It looks like a little jelly bean though. Wrapped in a blanket. Damn straight our kid is already freaking adorable and it doesn't even have arms.

My mom sent me flowers today. The card says that she and my poppa (stepdad) are very proud of me. I cannot decide if it is for making a baby or finishing college.

My husband, who basically soars above all other husbands in the world (sorry dudes), rules. Thank you for keeping me real holmes (and making me grilled cheese sandwhiches). Anyway thanks to him we're armed with lists of tasks to accomplish in the next nine months and for some reason all of my fears are quelled by the existence of these lists. These lists mean that we're really doing this. That our lives are changing. And in doing that we're redecorating and remodeling the house we live in. Remodeling makes everything right. I was thinking about it today and decided in additon to redoing the floors we had better put in a new sink. There is no way we can fit a baby bath in the one we've got.

Today is the Greatest

2009-03-02T19:49:00.000-08:00

I have a lot of things to say today.

First, I have to give a great big shout out to my friend E in Seattle for sending me this really awesome care package (pictured to the right). I told her on Saturday that I was pregnant and by Monday I had a box of presents waiting for me on the porch when I got home. What a peach cobbler.

It's the day of my first doctors appointment since I found I was pregnant! I am excited and nervous. I read in What to Expect that my doc may stick her fingers in my butt, so you know, I'm all wigged out about that. Why does having a baby involve so much butt stuff? I am so not into it. Also, I'm not really excited to clamber up on the ob's table because I injured my back yesterday and it hurts really freaking bad. I am excited though because today I will learn all sorts of great stuff about my baby.

Like an estimated due date! According to my hormone levels I am around 6 weeks in (my own calculations there, natch). I am excited to get a more accurate reading. I am also curious to know whether or not they'll try to take pictures of my baby, and I kind of hope that they do because I know that future child is a freaking super star and totally is ready to be photographed. I also get my horse pills today! I don't know why I am excited to be taking prenatal vitamins, but whatevs, I am a freak you know.

To wrap it up I have one teensy complaint/observation:

What is up with dudes? I totally don't get it. Of all of the people I have told about having a baby none of my dude friends (with the exception of 3 or 4, including my husband!) have said congratulations or anything positive, in fact mostly they have neglected to say a damn word. I have a lot of dude friends too and they've been some of my best friends over the years, so I really don't know wtf. The thing that has really set me off is a couple of men in my life have been less than um, appreciative about the whole thing. For example, my father who I have been trying to get a hold of for nearly a week, says to me when I answer the phone the other day, "what is up? i don't want to be a gradfather". Instead of hanging up on him like I should have in retrospect, I tell him that it is too freaking bad and spend the next half an hour comforting him because of what is happening to me.

So what is it mens? Why you so scared of babiez? We've been friends forever, why are you holding back now?

What's Growing?

2009-03-02T12:10:00.000-08:00

Grow, Bitch and Sew is my jaunt into the world of grown up blogging.

Right now I am working on growing a baby human and so the next nine or so months will document my growth, among other things.

Additionally I'll be working on keeping track of my various crafts (knit, sew, crochet) and garden projects.

Overall I hope that this blog will grow with me. It has been a long time since I have taken writing seriously, so you'll have to bear with me as I get back into the hang of writing for an audience and we'll all hope that the content will get better as things progress in my life and the life of my child.

I'll begin where things started.

It was only last week that I found out that I was pregnant and since then I have pretty much had every conceivable emotion. Somehow I doubt I am alone in this, as going from sheer terror, to blissful excitement to disgust even (pooping in front a room full of people is so really not something I am looking forward to), seems to be fairly common among the newly expectant.

Here are some things I hate about being pregnant so far:

The near constant feeling a sea sickness. The nausea isn't strong enough to actually make me barf, but I feel like I'm on a dingy in the middle of a stormy sea and I'm right on the edge of giving Davey Jones my lunch.
The waves of dizziness.
The dull ache in my lower abdomen. Don't worry, this doesn't mean that anything is wrong, only that I am especially in tune with my body and can feel my uterus altering and making room for it's new inhabitant. Oh yeah, and I can't take ibuprofen for it either.
The general flu like symptoms which also might be withdrawal from my mood stabilizers.
and for now finally,
Having to pee every ten minutes and absolutely no you cannot wait another minute before you piss yourself.