Off and Running

It's been a long couple of weeks. I'm eight months pregnant. Wow, how the hell did that happen? When two people love each other very much, or are sorta tanked, or when a mommy and turkey baster, or choose your own scenario... and 40 weeks later a baby comes out! I am officially through 32 of those 40 weeks. Woah Momma.

Out in the world people are gearing up for Halloween, the costumes and the candy and the decorations are all starting to show up in stores. And that really scares me because hello! Mr. Penelope Anne-Danzig Fujikawa is due on Halloween. Also, the floors aren't done (haven't even picked them out yet) I haven't painted, we have zero baby furniture and um, catastrophe, catastrophe, catastrophe!

What can I tell you about being eight months pregnant? Um, it sucks. I can tell you that. I will not go so far as to claim I've had thee suckiest pregnancy ever, because compared to just about everyone else I know who has had a baby already my pregnancy has been a cake walk. Still though, there's no getting around the third trimester. Believe me, I have tried. In fact, I tried so hard that it was nearly to the detriment of my person. Don't worry though, I am being realistic now, I learned my lesson. Just because I am physically capable of all sorts of fantastical feats it doesn't mean I should run off and join the circus.

It's hard though, you know? A bit of a blow the the old ego. Which is weird for me. I'm not especially familiar (at this stage in my life, don't even ask the me of 10 years ago) with knowing I can do something and then not doing it. It feels like cheating a little bit. I read about the things my friends are doing and I get really excited, I want to do those things too! But I'm not supposed to start anything new right now! And I've already found out that I cannot really operate at full speed anymore. Even if I think I can, the end result is not bueno.

So I'm in this weird space, where I really want to do all kinds of things, but I really need to put off doing those things for a few more months. And you know what? I kind of resent it and that makes me feel really guilty. Like, I should be basking in the glow of my third trimester and getting all into motherhood, but instead I just want to start running again and lose the baby weight (and the weight that I was gearing up to loose before Mr. Penelope was invented).

It's not just a fitness thing either, I'm ready to go back to school. I know, I've only been out of school for six months or something, but I totally am ready to get my learn on again. It gives me BIG FAT UGLY HEAD REARING UNDER THE TABLE HIDING anxiety to think about how long it's going to take me to finish my second degree, whatever it ends up being in (hopeless, I know) , but still. I'm ready to start knocking down prerequisites and filling my brain up with shit that my brain isn't used to being filled up with.

It's a work in progress. I've been as honest as I can about this with my DH ("as I can" because it's hard to explain the crazy sometimes) and he is way supportive. In fact, he's so supportive he comes up with ways I can satisfy my desire to do new things without hurting myself or the babes. Planning on taking hard science classes? Why don't you check out some hard science books from the library? Know you're going to have to make peace with mathematics? Pull out your old algebra books from community college! Want to start running/working on pushups/doing a hundred situps/whatever? Go on a walk every day!

Really, none of that had occurred to me. In my head it was all sink or swim. Preparing myself for the time when I could dedicate myself to the pursuits I am most attached to wasn't even a blip on my radar. That I couldn't do those things was setting off alarms all over the place though and making for one very dissatisfied Momma.

So I'm working on it, trying not to panic about all the things I could be doing; trying not to self flagellate for not doing things that I am technically capable of doing, but that are stressful to my person; trying to focus on what I can do, on what I am doing and how in a couple months I'm going to give birth to a baby human. Talk about fantastical feats!

I'm having a baby, woah. Still cannot wrap my head around that one. In fact, I'm pretty sure she's an octopus.

Runners on Your Mark

My most painful joints:

s-i
right wrist
right ankle
hips
right shoulder
right knee
(I am so right bodied)

I went to the movies yesterday (District 9, I really liked it incidentally) and it was agony. AGONY! I think it ruined me for the rest of the day. Standing up wasn't any better, we hung around the AT&T store for around 45 minutes waiting to get helped and I thought I might start screaming. Lying down is pretty okay, but I feel like Jabba the Hut.

Rex says to go get a massage. So I'm going to go ahead and do that.

Here's the thing that really sucks. Two weeks ago, maybe, it wasn't that bad, there were little twinges. Then blamo! I went to bed Tuesday night and all my parts stopped working. Thursday was the hardest pregnancy work out I have ever done. You know what it was? Body rows, one legged squats, Jane Fonda's, and deadlifts. I did not think I was going to be able to finish. I thought that maybe I should just lay down and die.

Then my trainer said, "I had a feeling it might happen like this," and I was all like, "waaaah?". Because I didn't have that feeling at all! I thought I was freaking invincible! I thought that I was so totally and completely bad-ass that not even the Melon inside me could slow me down.

I was very very wrong. I am slowing down. Like a turtle. Or maybe more accurately the dumb-ass hare that thought she could beat the turtle with her speedy quickness.

I wish that I had a hot sheet to wrap myself in very tightly. To make everything warm and cozy also to push it back together. Go back together joints! Please, I liked you better that way, you were not so angry and mean.

My advice? Find a way to skip this stage of pregnancy, because honestly it's been a cake walk for me until now. I barely remember how miserable I was the first trimester, and the second one was freaking golden. This however is hell. Absolute hell. The Hellish Hell of Hades.

With fire.

Buns of Steel

Will post something real (by real, I mean written by me) this week, just wanted to pass along this article on weight training during pregnancy that I found while bumming around on stumptuous earlier today (a really wonderful site on training that I love, not in the least because it is incredibly well written and sourced) .

Welcome to Week Twenty Eight

Paperwork. That's what the first week of the third trimester means. Birth plans, pre-admission work sheets, kick cards. Also, pain. Charlie horses and round ligament stretching. Not great. Waking up in the middle of the night wincing and moaning.

And is it just me, or am I getting klutzier? I rolled my ankle walking to my car yesterday. Best part was that it was after an extremely excruciating workout of deliciousness. Yes, I am fine while I'm working out, but afterward I am liable to end up face down in your driveway (don't worry, I didn't end up face down, I actually managed to hold myself upright, but it was close for a second there).

Otherwise, physically, things are going really well. The baby is kicking and punching a lot. Especially in the ribs! A somewhat annoying and totally awesome sensation. There is a baby human inside of me and she is kicking me in the ribs. From the inside, did I mention that? I do not think that there is much in the world that is cooler.

I had my monthly doctors appointment today and I know you're dying to know all about it. She confirmed that super long glucose exam showed that everything was okay, but my hemoglobin levels are a little low so she wants me to start taking an iron supplement. Also I've finally started gaining weight which I am trying very hard to be reasonable about, but honestly am a little freaked out by. The baby is great though, we got to listen to her heart beat and she sounds good. Like a million elephants.

I am beginning to get really anxious to meet Penelope Melon. I mean, there are only so many parenting blogs in the universe, only so many parents I can live vicariously through before it just isn't good enough anymore. I want my baby. I mean, it'd be really unfortunate if she came out now because her room isn't ready and we haven't got anything to put her in. Also, I'm told it's kind of early for all that. But I want to meet her! And to fill her full of snuggles!

Here's something though, Dooce Dot Com posted the third part of her labor story and I cried like a beagle when I read it. If you didn't know, and you probably don't, it was a combination of the first part of Dooce's labor story and several conversations with respected mothers that I know that really got me moving on birth research. I especially like Dooce because she's funny and sarcastic. In case you didn't notice I too am funny and sarcastic. Anyway, Dooce and my trainer (also funny and sarcastic), really got me to thinking about the process of having a baby and I figured if these funny and sarcastic women could even just think about having a baby naturally I could at least do the damn research and do some thinking myself. So I started doing the research. And I learned a lot of really cool stuff. And I think that maybe being pregnant and this whole big shaboggle have changed the entire course of my life.

Yes. The entire course of my life. And I haven't even had the fucking baby yet. Obviously the hormones have brainwashed me and I am totally insane, but hell. I'm rolling with it.

One thing I am really excited about right now is the encouragement I'm getting from my OB to meet with a Kaiser midwife. She said that my pregnancy has been totally chill and that there's no reason I shouldn't plan to deliver with a midwife, if that's what I want. While I absolutely love that she brought up seeing the midwife, I love even more that she said, "if that's what you want". How funny that those few words are so relieving.

And this is the part where I end the post with something funny and/or brilliant. Choose your own adventure!

Baby baby baby, I made you out of clay!

Or something. That, up there is what the baby looks like supposedly. Although we're hoping ours has horns and a tail, breathes fire, you know, normal stuff for the Princess of Darkness.

Any-who, today marks twenty seven weeks, which I am told is the start of the third trimester. Or not. There seems to be some debate about that. Anyway, what that means is that there are thirteen weeks-ish left in this grand adventure. And then! The next adventure!

I think I'm getting more pregnant. Haha. I know, but really. On Saturday I suddenly began to feel very puffy. And um, full. It was really odd. I think since then that my belly has grown considerably. Baby had a twelve hour growth spurt!

Not too much swelling yet, beside what I felt Saturday (bracelets no longer fitting properly, etc... although that could just be my bulging forearms). Lots of back aches and pains. I don't know that you've got the memo, but um. My boobs grew a lot and so I have had the joy of a lot of upper back pain. It is exceedingly unpleasant.

My lower back also bugs, but we've been learning these techniques to help deal with back labor, an extremely painful condition that puts an awful amount of pressure on your SI joint. Well, bully for me, it so happens that it's my SI joint that aches. It is nice though that Rex has been practicing pushing on it every night in order to perfect the technique. What a champ!

Otherwise, physically things are going really well. Let me take this opportunity to brag some more about the heavy weights I've been lifting at the gym this week. Yesterday I deadlifted 90 some odd pounds 40 times. And then I got a cookie! Afterward I did some one armed rowing (I'm sorry that's the only appropriate video I could find with the 5 minutes of effort I put into looking. You should have seen the other one!), with the lovely 16kg. kettlebell. And then I got a snuggle and a nap. My trainers are really nice, you see.

Actually, after that I had to do some other terrible things that left me sputtering like Donald Duck. But I love it! I love it!

And then! Then I went out back and rescued a small child from underneath a horse drawn carriage and there was a parade and flowers and a holiday in my honor! I mean, uh, I went to acupuncture and fell asleep for a little while.

Up in my head things have been okay. I've been trying to confront my fears and worries, per the advice of my crunchy birth book. So yesterday I read the section on birth art and I tried really hard not to be all scoffy and sarcastic about it. Instead I started thinking about how maybe the birth art could really help me deal with things that I'm afraid of with this whole parenting bit. So I pulled out the pastels and the charcoals and um, like drew, my uh, fear. It was really kind of liberating. And I showed it to Rex when he got home and he didn't laugh at me or anything. We talked about it and it was overall a really good experience! I know, I was shocked too.

Lesson learned: don't be too afraid of your inner hippy, she'll help you get the baby out.

And now, time for that cookie.

Tick tock, tick tock

Well, Internet. I've failed.

Honestly, it's not my fault. I composed a really genius post about the transformation I've gone through these past six months and then, somehow magically, it was deleted.

So I wrote it again and it was almost as good as the first one too.

And then half of it was deleted.

I know, right? It was a really sad day. And so I threw the cat through the window and blew raspberries on my arm. I thought about spending some time under the dining room table, but that is what someone suffering from rapid cycling bi-polar disorder might do, and I didn't want to make my husband nervous so instead I just slammed my computer shut and stomped to my bedroom. That showed 'em!

So instead I'm going to talk about something else.

For instance, I recently have started push pressing a really kind of heavy weight. A weight that I could not push above my head several months ago, a weight that I kind of wanted to punch in the face. It's the Cherry Bell, the 16kg (35lb) kettlebell at my gym. And it's red, which kind of makes it cooler.

So I'm doing a kind of neat thing, which is getting stronger, or at least using my body more efficiently, during a time when I ought to be getting all floppy from relaxin. It's cool! I wont fool myself into thinking that this trend will continue for the duration of my pregnancy, but dizaaaamn. It's awesome that not all of my personal triumphs have to be set aside until after Penny Melon comes out to great the world. I probably wont be winning a plank competition any time soon though.

I'm twenty six weeks along now, which is almost the end of the second trimester. Although I didn't know it, there is some disagreement about when the third trimester starts, some say 27 weeks and others say 28. I personally would feel like I'm cheating if I called next week the third trimester, but whatevs! I am hoping that it will bring me a belly that looks less like a pot and more like... well, like I'm growing a baby. Rex assures me that I have an adorable baby belly, but I still feel kindof meh about it.

Anyhow, apparently this is the honeymoon period. Soon I'll be all swollen and wont want to get off the couch, or at least that's what I'm told. So far the side effects haven't been too terrible, although what is new and interesting are the cramps I've been getting in my thumb pads and balls of my feet. Ouch! This weekend I've got a happy feet massage scheduled so I'm hoping that will help some. And if not, well. I'll being seeing the woman with the needles next week and mayhaps we'll be able to figure out what the heck is up with my toots.

What were/are your most bizarre pregnancy side effects?

Hi Internets,

It's been a little while!

There were some things that happened that I didn't really want to talk about, but at the same time I couldn't think about talking about anything else. No big really, had a bit of a scare with an ultrasound; the docs thought maybe that Penny had a chromosomal disorder, but couldn't do the follow up exam for ten whole days. Ten days I spent pointedly not thinking about chromosomes or anything related to them. Additionally we were out of town for a while on a trip that I would have to start another blog to properly develop the intricacies of the years of drama that came to a head while we were visiting. Couldn't really think too hard about those behavior patterns either, too closely related to chromosomes.

Anyway, the baby is too cool for school. All her chromosomes are ordered in the order that the doctors say is proper and she gave us some nice jazz hands at the last ultrasound. The radiologist was my kind of lady too, walked into the room and told us it was stupid that we were even called back for a second exam. I love it when snarky doctors are snarky toward other doctors.

So the short story is that I'm back. I've been thinking about GBS a lot for the past month, composing lots of genius entries. You must not have been reading very close to have missed them all.

For your patience I leave you with what only could have been a tribute to my husband:



In the week to come I'll be taking the bull by the horns and talking not only about the resurgence of vomit in the sixth month of my pregnancy, but also the extremely controversial topic of sober birthing.

See you soon lovers.